We need each other's help in developing godliness. Some of the "Togethers" are powerful attitudes that automatically control behavior. Having such attitudes brings spontaneous obedience to God's ways. For example, an attitude of devotion, being set aside or consecrated for each other, compels individual believers and believers in groups to prioritize other Christians above such things as recreation, material goods and personal security. Likewise, an attitude of spontaneous forgiveness brings with it an ability to automatically put up with the imperfections of others.

When a whole group holds one or more of these attitudes, great power is available for the work of God. For example, eight accepting people can break down strong barriers erected by nonbelievers, heal the parental rejection of a group member or outsider, or create the safest environment possible for people on earth. Ten individuals with servant hearts can together witness to a whole community through their ability to give to others in supernatural ways. Eleven people who belong to one another can make a wonderful spiritual family.

The Attitudinal Togethers include:

Love One Another [6]
Belong to One Another [7]
Be Devoted to One Another [8]
Accept One Another [9]
Bear With One Another [10]
Forgive One Another Without Being Asked [11]
Submit to One Another [12]
Serve One Another [13]

[6] Love One Another

**John 13:34-35**; John 15:12,17; Rom 13:8; 1 Cor 13; Gal 6:10; Col 3:14; 1 Peter 1:22-23; 1 John 3:10-11; 1 John 4:7-21

We are to deny ourselves for God and for the good of others.

The most commonly used Greek word for love in the New Testament, the word agape, means self-denial for others. Christians cannot really love one another if they are not involved in each other's lives. The command to love one another encompasses all the other Togethers of Scripture.

This Together as Worship

God has given us power in community to love one another selflessly. When we do so, we worship God by reflecting as best as we can back to Him that He is love pure love. By imitating His unconditional love for us, even though we do so imperfectly, we bring God pleasure when we love one another unconditionally.

Example in Small Group Community

Self-denying love is especially critical in small group community where intimacy is high. Therefore, the group itself must be self-denying and watch out for what God wants done in the meeting as opposed to what is comfortable, pleasurable, or standard practice.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

A proper congregational attitude requires self-denying love as individual members within the church make their needs known. Needs are recognized and met God's way -- through selfless love. Within the church, self-denying love is necessary to accomplish God's purposes, to watch out for church members and to do the sometimes uncomfortable work of reaching and helping a lost world.

Every time we come together in large groups, we must struggle to leave behind our individual focus. As we park our cars and enter the church doors, we need to say to ourselves something like, "I have been enjoying my personal relationship with God. But as I join with other Christians I must de-emphasize my position as a child of God and recognize I am a member of the family of God. I need to focus on the Christian experience of the congregation and be aware of more than myself."

For Small Group Community

Discuss
1. What is self-denial for another's good? How far does it go? What are the reasonable limits? How do we deny ourselves for God? For our spouses? For our children? For someone hurting at work?

DO
1. Tell each other the things that dominate your time and keeps you from truly "being there" for others. Ask for prayer regarding this. Pray for one another after each person has told of his or her struggle.

[7] Belong to One Another

Joshua 7; **Rom 12:5**; 1 Cor 6:19-20

We belong to Jesus Christ, and He gives us to one another. Embrace a lifestyle that shows "ownership" in the lives of those Christians close to you.

Christians belong to one another. Jesus bought us with His blood. Then, like a librarian, He loans us out to each other. To belong to one another means to embrace a lifestyle that emphasizes involvement with other believers. God's design is for a lifestyle of interdependence and mutual ministry.

This Together as Worship

God has given us the privilege in community to belong to one another. When we act consistent with the fact that we belong to one another in the Lord, we worship God by accepting His sovereign ownership of us as well as by reflecting back to Him the belonging of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit to One Another.

Example in Small Group Community

In small group community, with its added intimacy and commitment, belonging means that a person can be approached for his or her opinion, advice, Scriptural knowledge, prayers, possessions, listening ear, emotional support and a host of other things including all of the Togethers listed in this book. One way to think of it is that a small group is much like an extended family. The benefits of belonging to a family should be available within a small group community with only a few exceptions.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

The obedient church adopts the attitude that everyone who has become a member of the church belongs to everyone else. This attitude then is lived out in a multitude of ways. If one church member is talking to someone during the break between worship and Sunday school and discovers a need, that person should be able to freely approach without apology anyone in the church who can help.

The point is that we should not "leave each other alone" as much as we do. We do belong to one another and everyone should be freely available to help. That does not mean that we have to automatically agree to help when asked. But if the request is reasonable, we should usually be willing to be drafted into temporary service. When someone does not hear the Lord's call to help, he or she can help find someone who can assist so that the work of the church -- loving and helping one another -- gets done. Those few who are approached to help too often can notify church leaders so that others are trained to help in needed areas.

Another implication of belonging to one another within the larger fellowship is for Christians to not behave in non-Christian ways that might embarrass the family of God to which they belong. We need to remember that our actions, good and bad, affect our brothers and sisters in the Lord.

For Small Group Community

Discuss
1. If we all belong to Jesus Christ and he "loans us out to one another," what is required of us out of love for Christ?

2. In what ways do other Christians belong to you? How is it different for your very best friends than with a comparative stranger at your church?

3. What are good ways to act with other Christians because they belong to you? Why is it so hard to ask other Christians for something?

DO
1. Tell each other of a couple of your closest Christian friends outside of the group. Mention how you have decided to help them. Ask for prayer for success in making this effort to help them a real important part of your life.

[8] Be Devoted to One Another

1 Sam 19:1-5; John 15:12-13; **Rom 12:10**; 1 Cor 16:15; 2 Cor 7:12-13

Set yourself aside for other believers; commit to your church; let no Christian in your church be lonely; eliminate destructive competition.

Christians are to set themselves aside for other believers. Devotion to one another is the Christian's way of committing to the church. No Christian should experience intense isolation, since he or she is belongs to the church, a group of people who should be the least lonely in all the world. An attitude of devotion also eliminates destructive competition between believers.

This Together as Worship

God has given us the power and privilege in community to be devoted to one another. When we are, we worship God by reflecting back to Him his great devotion to us. The more difficult the devotion, the more pure worship it becomes.

Example in Small Group Community

Christians can be especially devoted to one another in small group community. Making the weekly or biweekly group meeting a top priority is the first way to obey the Lord's expectation for devotion. The willingness to be vulnerable and share inner feelings, values, and struggles are further signs of devotion. Devotion also is risking oneself by going out on a limb and sharing ideas, observations and advice. Other than setting themselves aside for their own families, small group members should most of all be devoted to the members of their small community group.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

Christians are to place a high priority on attending church services where larger numbers of Christians gather. This does not mean that Christians must attend the church every time the door is open, although God may so lead some. The obedient church continually reminds its members to be devoted, or "set aside," for each other in order to BE the church. Unfortunately, such devotion to people is often replaced by a devotion to the programs of the church. A similar problem occurs when able-bodied Christians worship God through television programs. This disobeys the command to be personally devoted to one another. Except for those too handicapped to be in a church worship service, making the TV your "church" is totally unscriptural.

To bring to life the attitude of being devoted to one another, a church could publish a directory with names, addresses, and telephone numbers, and ask each family to list one night per week when people could visit them on the phone or in person without prior reservation. Everyone would be setting aside one night a week to be there for others in the family of God who need them. Such a practice would not at all destroy family life but enhance it and show children by example what the Christian faith is all about. This would minimize the chance for teenagers to confuse Christianity with mere activities.

Such a church expression of devotion would ensure that no one in the fellowship had to be lonely. Of course, abuses of the privilege would have to be dealt with through tender counsel and church leadership. But the great benefits would be well worth the occasional problem. Additionally, if everyone were available to meet needs in the church, the often overwhelming burdens of leadership could be spread throughout the congregation.

For Small Group Community

Discuss
1. When you think of being devoted to your children, what does it consist of? Are the same acts of devotion applicable to your devotion to God, to your spouse, to a member of the small group, and to a less-familiar church member?

2. Discuss the idea of making yourself and your family available for others in your church (circle of Christian friends) one evening every week.

DO
1. On a scale of 1-10, tell each other how available you are to others? As each person explains their availability to others, other group members tell the person if you think that is being available enough or if more is needed.

[9] Accept One Another

Matt 7:1-5; Matt 10:40-41; Mark 9:37; Rom 5:8; Rom 14:1-4; **Rom 15:7**

Allow each Christian to be the person God created him or her to be. Get comfortable with differences in people. Have a high regard for everyone in the family of faith.

An attitude of acceptance among the believers allows each individual Christian to be the person God created him or her to be. Such acceptance in fellowship and community paves the way for Christians to help one another in ministry and to have a high regard for one another.

This Together as Worship

God has given us wisdom and grace in community to accept one another. When we do so, we worship God by reflecting back to Him his very accepting and tolerant character, especially as evidenced in his toleration of us. When we accept people in spite of their sin, we also worship by accepting God's position to be the only judge of people. When we accept people in spite of their differences, we worship by acknowledging God as their Creator.

Example in Small Group Community

An individual's ability to be non-prejudicial and non-judging is often stretched in the intimacy of small group community. Accepting one another in small group community teaches us to stick by one another with unconditional love in spite of disagreeable differences.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

As we admire all of the various wildflowers in a mountain meadow, the obedient church admires all of the varieties of people in its membership. In the church that teaches an accepting attitude about differences, there is unreserved friendliness and hospitality. An obedient church goes beyond accepting differences and recognizes varied needs. Individuals in such a church will freely seek out others and not wait for someone to approach them. Accepting one anothers' limitations will generate compassion, understanding, and encouragement.

For Small Group Community

Discuss
1. Distinguish between accepting and agreeing with.

2. Discuss how accepting is the opposite of judging others.

3. Each member tell one of the hardest things about him/herself that others have trouble accepting. Then the group discuss things about the person that if understood would make acceptance of the person easier. Then the group should give advice on how those things could be naturally shown in interaction with other people.

DO
1. Each person bring up one person who "drives him/her to the wall". The group then considers ways of thinking about that person and understanding that person so that the group member ceases judging them and can be around the person without being irritated, frustrated or annoyed. (Note that the Bible does not equate accepting someone with agreeing with them. We do not have to agree with people, just accept them and not judge them.)

[10] Bear With One Another

Rom 15:1; **Eph 4:2**; Col 3:13; Heb 13:1; James 5:9

Put up with one another and be gracious, since we are all great sinners.

Since God knows we are all sinners and will often rub each other the wrong way, Christians are told that they must simply put up with one another. It is as if God is saying to us, "You are all sinners. Naturally you will sin against one another. It is to be expected and can't really be prevented. So do not make a big deal out of each other's hurtfulness. Toughen up and let it roll off like water off a duck's back." This attitude of "putting up with" allows Christians to be offended without taking offense and making an issue of every small thing. It is a "turning the other cheek" principle. This helps insure unity within the church.

This Together as Worship

God has given us through His Spirit patience to put up with one another in community. When we do so, we worship God by reflecting back to Him his great forbearance with us.

Example in Small Group Community

Christians find in the closeness of small group community that objectionable personal habits which are annoying at the first are eventually taken in stride. The Christian in small group community is compelled to become tolerant; it just doesn't work to try to make everyone else conform to our way of doing things. That, too, is good. If it is hard to be tolerant in the small Christian group, then it will be impossible to be tolerant in the non-Christian world. Jesus was tolerant when He ministered to publicans, sinners, and prostitutes. Intolerance ruins our love for other Christians and our witness to nonbelievers.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

Little differences among people can be annoying. Objectionable habits continually pop up when Christians gather together in large groups. The obedient church with an attitude of bearing with one another puts up with these differences. Such a church teaches that the Christian walk is not a matter of getting everyone to follow a number of specific rules. Christians put up with one anothers' shortcomings and sinfulness in congregational fellowship without judging, easily forgiving and not rejecting.

For Small Group Community

Discuss
1. What Scriptures and obedient actions can help Christians not to react to or get upset by the actions of others?

2. When someone does something to provoke you, how can you react to the Lord first (the only one you should react to first, the "boss") and then righteously respond to the person second?

3. How can Christians grow in their ability to be gentle and exhibit grace with sinful people?

DO
1. Tell one another how good you are at not getting upset with the annoying behavior of others.

2. Tell one another how you can be easily provoked to unrighteous behavior, defensiveness, etc. Be as specific as possible as to the actual kinds of behavior that infuriate you, provoke you, get you upset for hours, etc.

[11] Forgive One Another Without Being Asked

Matt 6:14-15; Matt 18:21-22; Mark 11:25; Luke 6:37; Luke 17:3-4; **Luke 23:34**; Eph 4:32; Col 3:13; James 2:12-13

Do not be easily offended; don't hold grudges; forgive without requiring an apology. Be very ready to forgive, knowing that all people fall far short of God's glorious standard.

Scripture commands an attitude of ready forgiveness, especially when bearing with another's sinfulness. Christians are not to be easily offended, nor are they to hold grudges. The easiest way to preserve unity is to forgive without requiring an apology. Such automatic forgiving is very Christ-like.

This Together as Worship

God has given us his own merciful forgiveness, thereby empowering us to forgive one another automatically in community. When we forgive one another because of Christ, we worship God by reflecting back to Him his graciousness in continually forgiving us because of Christ.

Example in Small Group Community

Individuals who have cooperated, agreed, prayed, and laughed together will more easily forgive one another and not hold each other accountable for every little sinful behavior. The small group community should be a safe place where people can be honest and share their faults without being judged or condemned, but forgiven. Many Christians are afraid of the church because of past rejection. But small community groups can bring safety into Christian relationships.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

In congregational fellowship, forgiveness will be expressed by not holding people's peculiarities against them or gossiping about them. We especially need to be forgiving when people in our church family sin against us. We need to be taught how to automatically forgive others in our church without requiring anything from those who have offended us.

Too many people have unrealistic expectations for what should happen when they are with other Christians. When people do not act toward them as expected, they get hurt and eventually leave the church. The obedient church will teach its members to forgive because every church member is sinful and selfish at times. While everyone is growing in righteousness, all will still sin at times this side of heaven. We all will sometimes be disappointed or rejected. Then it's time to simply forgive and get on with God's work.

For Small Group Community

Discuss
1. How is this voluntary forgiveness helpful to the one forgiven? For the one doing the forgiving?

2. Distinguish between forgiving, which we are commanded to do, and trusting, which is earned. (See John 2:23-24.)

3. How can remembering Jesus' prayer on the cross for the Father to forgive those crucifying him help in this automatic forgiving process?

4. When should you not forgive and instead confront the person? For what end?

5. How do you know when a sin is serious enough to go to that person about?

6. How do you know when a sin is serious enough to take to the next step in the Matthew 18 process and talk to someone else in the church?

DO
1. Each person tell the group of one person they need to forgive that they have not for a number of weeks. The group should pray and then follow up week after week to see that the relief of forgiveness has been acquired.

2. Determine to check with each other at the next group meeting to see if everyone has been a little more able to silently, automatically, and intentionally forgive people.

[12] Submit to One Another

Gen 13:5-9; Luke 2:51; 1 Cor 16:15-16; **Eph 5:21**; Heb 13:17; 1 Peter 5:5

Give other people their way whenever possible; strive to find solutions where everyone's needs are met.

An attitude of mutual submission keeps people responsive to each other and from fighting to have their own way and disrupting unity within the church. Submission actually means responding to one another and letting each other have his or her own way. Christians are not to fuss to get their own way. Rather than battling with each other, Christians should be striving to find solutions where everyone's needs are met.

This Together as Worship

God has given us wisdom in community to submit to one another. When we do so, we worship God by reflecting back to Him that he is an orderly God as well as One who is generous and lets us have our way so much of the time.

Example in Small Group Community

Christians in small group community must respond to each other and see that people get to have their way a fair amount of the time to preserve the unity of the group. Such submission will prevent many power struggles that could destroy the beauty of Christian community. A person can give ground to another and later bring up the issue again, after the other person(s) has received the charity of submission.

It often happens in small group community that a strong-willed individual will try to force his or her views and recommendations onto another individual rather than allowing that person to exercise their free will. The group as a social system is powerful enough, sometimes with the gentle guidance of the group leader, to ensure that the strong-willed, vocal person gives way to the quieter person's choice.

The small group will also have its work cut out in helping some individual members be submissive to the counsel of the whole group when there is disagreement. It must be kept in mind that biblical submission is not forced, but voluntary. The small group might have to be patient for a long time with an individual until that person is willing to hear and implement their counsel.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

Churches can be severely damaged by squabbles among members. Obeying the command to submit to each other starts when churches teach that demanding or expecting your own way is an ungodly characteristic. Church leaders should affirm and commend individuals who respond to others and see that their needs are met.

This command to respond to others and let them have their own way is the counterpart to bearing with one another. The obedient church will allow individuals to approach many things in their own fashion. In submitting to one another's needs, Christians should not impose standards which are beyond what the Bible requires. Individuals should be allowed to be uniquely themselves in their relationship with God.

When quarrels come about, every effort should be made to resolve the conflict and restore harmony. It is often unnecessary to decide WHO is right even when it is necessary to decide WHAT is right. An attitude of charity should be emphasized and authoritative power should be called upon only as a last resort. First, solutions that meet everyone's needs should be considered, even though some compromises (not of faith or conviction) may be necessary.

For Small Group Community

Discuss
1. Why is it so hard to let others have their way when it different than what we want? What hinders us in doing so? What can we say to ourselves to help not to have to have our way so much of the time? What can we remember from Scripture, what belief of faith, will help us not to have to have our own way so much of the time?

2. When do you not let the other person have his or her way?

3. What does it take to be responsive to another person?

4. How can the various tastes in worship style, sermon delivery and church life be dealt with in order to keep the church together?

DO
1. Identify ways in which different styles, ways of saying things, ways of doing things, etc. in this group are tolerated.

[13] Serve One Another

Luke 22:26-27; 2 Cor 4:5; **Gal 5:13**; Phil 2:5-7

Have the attitude of a servant toward one another. Be motivated to serve others and let them serve you.

Christians are to have a servant attitude toward one another. We should not emphasize what our brothers and sisters can do for us. We should emphasize how others need our helpful service. Interdependent service is a main ingredient in the glue of love that builds Christ's church.

This Together as Worship

God has given us the great privilege in community to serve one another. When we do so, we worship God by reflecting back to Him the very nature of Jesus Christ who came as servant to minister to mankind. We also reflect, however imperfectly, the nature of the Godhead wherein the Father, Son and Holy Spirit serve one another.

Example in Small Group Community

Serving one another is one of the natural results of true, Biblical small group community. The effective small group leader never passes up the opportunity to see that an individual's need is met by the others in the group. Every moment of the small group is an opportunity to serve. Listening and being with one another is one of the most basic forms of Christian service. Furthermore, in small group community needs become visible and group members can respond in service.

Example in Congregational Fellowship

In the obedient church, you can find everyone continually putting their own needs on hold to be of service to one another. Being an obedient servant can involve just about anything -- listening, putting up chairs, cleaning windows, or teaching Sunday school. Unfortunately, most fellowships are made up of a larger percentage who do not serve the congregation in any substantial way.

A church should do all it can to help each and every church member have a place of service to the body of believers. Membership vows to serve should be quickly implemented. Members should be taught that continual service to God is a very great privilege.

For Small Group Community

Discuss
1. How is a "servant heart" developed? What can help this process?

2. What is the joy in helping and serving when no thanks or recognition comes back to you?

3. What is the right attitude in serving? How do you cultivate it? How would it show in each of you?

4. How is group service different from individual service?